You are cordially invited...

You are cordially invited to my pity party:

I HATE that I'm feeling SO emotional! I seriously just want to toss WW right out the friggin window and eat everything in sight...and some things that aren't in sight! I am SO hormonal and it seems to get worse as I get older...the hormonal spells last longer and the depression deepens. I KNOW it's chemical/hormonal, but still can't seem to reason with my appetite! "Hello appetite, this is Joyce, you're just craving because you're hormonally out of whack! Get over it." To which my appetite retorts: "I OWN you biotch! And I'm not giving up until YOU give up!" It's a terrible battle. I can sit here and say "I will WIN this battle!" But the truth is...it's minute by minute during times like this! I have ZERO strength to think about fighting this battle tonight or tomorrow...right now is all I can manage! I'm sure this is a defeatist attitude and I couldn't give a flying fart in space that it is! It would be nice if just this once I didn't have to fight so damn hard!!!

I think I will wring the neck of the next person who gives me lame-o advice whist they sit on their mountain top of self control! This very moment...I HATE WW's!!! I HATE that I can't eat whatever I want, whenever I want...I HATE that I love food so damn much! I KNOW...yes I KNOOOOOWWWW if I ate right now, it would be emotional eating...I wouldn't be eating due to hunger...but I don't CARE...I WANT to stop feeling bad and I WANT to feel GOOD! Food tastes GOOD...lots of food is even better!!!!

BUT...here is the cursed "BUT"...BUT if I will rise up from my self pity for 30 seconds, I will see that I would regret my choice to binge...that binge would last, what?, an hour or so??? Then what??? Then how do I deal with the depression from what I ate ON TOP of the depression that drove me to binge in the first place??? Oh vicious cycle!! WHEN willst thou end????????

Guess I just wrote myself into staying "food sober" for the time being :)